Home Sweet (?) Home

Today marks the official beginning of my winter break. Absent a paper I’m free. At least for a few weeks. Which brings me back “home”. It’s interesting how quickly I’ve become accustomed to my apartment, my home away from home. But now being back presents its own challenges. Perhaps it is the holiday season, or maybe everyone goes through this. But my childhood home drives me crazy.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s nice to see family and friends, to have folks to share meals with, to reconnect with pets and to have free laundry. #Mooch. But there is something about being home that just grinds my gears. I think I’m so used to doing things my way for a majority of the year that the idiosyncrasies present in my childhood home just seem so foreign. My mother, for example, refuses to leave dishes in the sink overnight and is reluctant to use the dishwasher. While I myself am something of a neat freak, I don’t apply this rule to my own home. Granted, it would take a few days for me to amass the amount of dirty dishes our family can create in one day, but I don’t understand the prejudice against the dishwasher. A good friend mentioned her mother is vehemently opposed to using it as well. What gives? I understand this sounds like the unwarranted grievances of a spoiled child. But I think this annoyance is felt by most young adults and speaks to a greater issue involving parents and children.

I think what most bothers me about returning home is that I feel I’ve entered a time warp. Once home, I’m magically transformed back to an adolescent, at least in my parents’ eyes. Sitting still for too long might prompt a request to do chores. Let me repeat, chores. As in, things adults do to maintain the general upkeep of their home. And beyond. Is anyone really going to think we’re slobs because I refuse to dust the back of a picture frame? Highly doubtful.

I understand that my return might create a sense of normalcy or continuity in the home. What I don’t understand is how that translates into a jump back into the past. I also understand that for a majority of my life my parents have been charged with my protection and welfare. But I am eager for there to be a mutual understanding between us. I am their child, but I am not a child. While home, it would be amazing to enjoy the holidays without the added tension of learning how to live with one another as adults. I think the key is mutual acceptance. While here, I’ll enjoy my parents being parents in hopes they can see the benefits of having raised an adult.

If all else fails, we have wine. Lots and lots of wine.

What About Your Friends?

I had a great discussion with a great friend today about friendship. Friendship means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For some, friends are the people they like to be seen with at parties or shows. For others, they’re the people to bitch about on their favorite social media forum. My definition of friendship has evolved over the past few years, especially given some of the dramatic experiences I’ve had. For me, friendship is best defined by those who I could call if I had to get rid of a body.

As creepy and morbid as that sounds, I think it signifies the level of dedication and trust I share with those people. See, it took a long time to realize that not every friend was for every thing and that some folks are just better suited as associates. I think we often use the term “friend” too loosely. I had to learn that I was going to encounter some people because we were in similar positions and that that similarity didn’t obligate us to friendship. People with whom you party and find potential dates with are just that, people. Folks that you sit with in class, study with, grab lunch and coffee with are just that. This doesn’t mean you’re friends, it just means that you enjoy these people in the respective times and places in which you find them. In my experience, these connections became problematic only when I tried to apply these people to situations for which they weren’t equipped. My “party girls” got bummed when I tried to invite them to a museum exhibit rather than the lounge. Study buddies didn’t understand my (secret) love for reality tv marathons. I thought, perhaps naively, that since we were “friends” I could share all of my interests with them, rather than taking pleasure in the ones they were best suited to. It isn’t that they were unable to understand my interests, it’s that we really only understood one another within the context of our mutual experience.

So back to who’d help me hide a body. Such a designation signals a friendship that doesn’t exist within a particular context. We aren’t club hopping buddies or study buddies or talking only to swap dating stories. Such a friendship is one in which my friend knows of all of these interests and loves me still. They understand that I love Wordsworth and Wale, that I attend law school but can dougie with the best of them, that I love to be domestic but can’t abide the thought of doing so for the sake of a man (we’ll address this in future posts). These are my friends. The ones that I know I can call at any time for anything. That I can count on to tell me truth without fearing hurting one another’s feelings. We know our differences make us more alike than not. We’re…friends.

With the new year approaching, I think it’s important to take stock of people in your life. Think about what they add to it or what they take away. What about your friends?

Ready.

Hello world,

Writing has always been one of my favorite things to do. Since I was young I always felt I best expressed myself by writing. So…here we go. I’m going to try and commit to writing at least every other day rather than let my thoughts build up. That and I’m sure my sister is tired of hearing me talk about every thing that’s happened in recent weeks. For said sister: I know you’ve been screening my calls and g-chats. Bitch.

Moving on, it doesn’t really feel like the holidays. Granted, I’ve been vulva deep (oh yes, I did) in exams, papers and job applications, so I haven’t had time to get a tree or put up lights, but I just don’t feel that Christmas spirit that I normally do. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen snow. I’m used to at least a little bit of snowfall in the Bean by now and there’s nothing like snow to get you thinking about Christmas. I think after a walk to see the city lights and listening to a little Donnie Hathaway I’ll begin to feel that Christmas cheer. If nothing else Christmas shopping will definitely have me feeling jolly, although I can’t say the same for my wallet.

Like the rest of the world I’ve decided that it’s time for a new start. Unlike the rest of the world I’ve already begun. I’ve had a pretty crazy year. I’ve dated and partied and had numerous realizations about what I want for myself and what I want from life. There’s a lesson in every experience and I have to say I’m learning so much about life, love, and friendship. So I thought this would be the perfect forum for me to reflect upon the lessons learned in 2011 and the experiences to come in 2012.  But as much as I’d like to wax poetic, I have to be me and keep it real.

As stated by one of my dearest friends, “I love Brittany style. I kill them with kindness, you just kill them.”

Let the slaughter begin.

=)

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